Forgiveness and Permission to Show Ourselves

Socially acceptable behaviour exists in a very confined space, but that space, my friends, is created through showing our vulnerability. My transgression frees you and vice versa. This is how, together, we make that space a little bigger. By breaching the space of social correctness, we allow for the liberation of individuality. Yesterday, I read in the book Woman's Body, Woman's Wisdom; an example (very relevant in my experience) of the need we women have to apologize for showing ourselves to be imperfect (that is, real). When someone comes home and it's not clean or tidy, we apologize! And no, I'm not just talking about my mother or women of her generation. I'm talking about young, well-travelled, empowered, self-questioning women who continue to do so!

And what happens if we stop asking for forgiveness for showing ourselves as we are? Automatically, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect. I show you my chaos and you see yours reflected in it. I show you that there's a gap that connects us, that you don't need to judge that part of yourself. I'm not a mother, but it's common to see mothers apologize when their children don't behave "properly." Why would I apologize because my child cries? Maybe if I stop doing it, some other mother can breathe a little more easily when her little one throws a fit. It's not about asking for forgiveness instead of permission. It's about letting

me be, even if it pisses you off a little, even if it makes you uncomfortable today, because one day that will give you permission to let yourself be as youare in your imperfection, to cry in public, to break down and show it.

When I do psychedelic counselling, I ask people, if they want, to give me details about whatever they're going through at that moment. This actually gives them permission to talk about it. I’ll give the example of a woman living in Japan who wanted to establish closer contact with a co-worker. She told me that she didn't want to share what she was going through to her co-worker so as not to make her uncomfortable. I reminded her that, probably, by unsettling her co-worker with her closeness, she was giving her permission to draw closer herself, and that's how the shared vulnerability of relationships that have value is created. I make you uncomfortable, yes, and with it, I create a new, more open space, a new layer. That's why I think it's so valuable to share psychedelic experiences in a group, because it often creates a friction that is impossible to achieve in individual sessions. Often, the other person crosses a line that releases something inside me and gives me permission to be who I am without asking for forgiveness or permission.